Babies

Norman Mailer I am pregnant!
                 If anyone is a Gilmore Girl fan like I am you should get that reference. If not I will explain. The character Sookie finds out she is pregnant when she is waiting on a famous author. She is just cranky and cant explain why. Then a light bulb pops up and she realizes she is pregnant... she runs out and tells the author who honestly could care less.

why this is funny? A few days before I took a pregnancy test I was in such a weird mood. Everything was bothering me. If someone looked at me funny I was ready to scratch their eyes out.

I am telling my friend about this and she says.... Norman Mailer.

I had no idea what she was talking about and the message made me want to throw my phone.

she then finished it with maybe you are pregnant....



Good morning!
I know its been a while and I still have to give you all the fun details of my trip to Ireland.

But today I want to talk about babies....

It might have something to do with the fact that yes...i am pregnant. So I have been thinking about them a lot.

Once upon a time I actually wanted kids... you know when I was a little girl I loved playing house. That usually involved more kids than any one person should actually ever have but it was still always a fun game.

But when you become an adult and life changes you and you are with certain people who make that dream more .... of a nightmare I stopped wanting kids.

I swore up and down I would never have kids. People swore up and down I would change my mind. Well... they were right.

Mostly because I was no longer in a toxic relationship and I am not actually with someone who is my partner and will help me.

Early on in the relationship he told me he wanted to have a family.

It took my brain a lot of rewiring but I decided this man is willing to give me the world I cant deny him the one thing he wants in this crazy world.

Our relationship has happened rather quickly, we were engaged after 7 months, married 5 months after that, and a month later I was able to share the best news with him.

That we were going to have a baby.

I was excited I took so many tests just to make sure one wasn't broken or something. I couldn't wait to tell him.

Then we got to tell our family and friends. I thought for sure SOMEONE would have reminded me that I never wanted kids, but everyone was just super happy for me.

But once the news was no longer news I started to freak out.... I know its so unlike a Casey to freak out.
I did.
I still am.

Will I be a good mom?

That's the main concern. Of course people will tell you that you will be but what else would they say honestly lol.

I have said the same thing to some people in the past... but I didn't actually mean it.

I was also still kind of worried about the fact that babies still freak me out. They drool and stare a lot... its not something I am familiar with.

It was like a switch though, the switch that everyone would tell me that would go off. The one where I thought babies were cute and I would get excited....

I think finding out the gender helps a lot.

I know a lot of people are still old school about it and that is perfectly fine. But for me finding out that its not just "a baby" growing inside of me....It's my daughter.... really changed how I feel.

I was in target buying baby clothes and I just started crying. Chris of course was very concerned as to why his pregnant wife was crying in the baby section.

I just never in my life thought I would ever be buying baby clothes for my own kid. And to see how small they are... Ugh! I am getting teary eyed just thinking about it.

It made me so happy it was ridiculous. I know its mostly just hormones. It was still a great feeling to finally be as excited as I was in the very beginning.

I got so happy last night that I exploded all my thoughts and ideas to Chris about all the things we can do now that we will have a little girl.

He just laughed at me... and basically in his own way said "i know thats what i have been trying to tell you"

I wanted to write a post about this much sooner but honestly, it wouldn't have been a positive post.

first few weeks really sucked and my thoughts were very...not great...

NO REGRETS by the way. I just think I let my anti Casey thoughts get in the way of my happiness... yeah i know since when do i do that?

But now that I am almost 19 weeks ( apparently baby is the size of mango) I am starting to feel better and more like myself again...

Aside from the fact that my child is rearranging her room every five minutes...

I cant wait to meet her :D