PBJ

Good almost afternoon!

I eat my lunch at 11:00 at work so it's my lunch time and I felt like I should write a post.

Nothing earth shattering but just a nice little thought I think you would enjoy reading.

So those who know me personally know that I'm a bit of anxiety spaz.

I don't want to say I have anxiety because i have never seen a doctor to tell me this. 

But I know I stress over the dumbest things and sometimes the thoughts prevent me from doing new things. 

Which was one of my fears of becoming a mom. I know a lot of people think "am I good enough" and that doesn't make me any different but sometimes I worry about things other people don't think about.

Like I'm sure a lot of moms worry about if the carseat is in the car correctly or that they are doing everything right when it comes to feeding and caring for their babies. Even making sure they have the right pacifier seems to be a struggle for some mom's to be.

Now these are all thoughts I also have do don't think that I am just like whatever about it. But to me these cross my mind once in a while...

What had been bothering me (I use the term bother lightly here) is... 

You ready?

I don't think you are ready.

This will make you chuckle so get ready.

I am worried I won't be a good mom because I am not very good at making peanut butter jelly sandwiches.

I know right 

Who thinks of this nonsense?

Me.

Why?

I don't know I got it in my head a long time ago that my mom makes better peanut butter jelly sandwiches then I do so that makes her a good mom. 

So i can't say I crave peanut butter and jelly sandwiches but I am pretty happy when I am eating them. So I have been making them for my lunch most days. 

And I keep trying to get the proportions right and I either have to much peanut butter and not enough jelly or the other way around.

It's ridiculous.

Don't get me wrong they are still yummy but I think of the future if I make a sandwich for Alice if it will be good or if she will complain to the other kids that her money "sucks at making lunches"

Again... I am well aware i sound crazy.  And I am getting to my point...

.

So this morning I was running late because well Tuesdays are hard for me to leave the house on time because my husband is usually home so I really dont want to go to work. 

So as I'm struggling to get ready for work I was running out of time to get my lunch. I figured I'd probably just grab a can of raviolis and get wicked heart burn later. I didn't have time to do all the things and make my sandwich. 

Of course my husband saves the day as he usually does and he made me my peanut butter and jelly sandwich. 

Seriously I hit the lottery with this guy 

As I sit down for my lunch I smile at all the goodies he put in my lunch bag for me to eat.

It resembles something I would have eaten in middle school...

Sandwich, fruit roll up, Capri sun and to make it "healthy" I have an apple and a few types of granola bars. 

But the sandwich... Perfect amount of peanut butter and jelly mushed in the bread of numminess. 

This is the good part of the post...

I might not make the best lunches... But I will show up in other ways for Alice.

And the ways that I fall short.... Like making the perfect peanut butter and jelly sandwich for example is where her Dad will make up for. 

We are going to be great parents because we are a great team. And that makes all the other worries fade away. 

Sometimes I start to worry again. But Chris keeps me on track.

Alice is going to have so much love and the best peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. 

Rambles of a Ranty Reed

Good morning world.

I keep making posts that I don't actually post which isn't good....

This morning I am a little on the cranky side and I am trying to get out of the crankyness and enjoy the day.

Its one of those mornings where I guess I woke up on the wrong side of the bed. Which is an annoying saying because I don't get up on the wrong side...

Anyways. Something that has always helped me is typing. Doesn't have to be anything profound or anything but the act of typing has always calmed me down.

You would think I would be further along in my writing if that was the case. But unfortantly I can't usually focus when I am in these moods so usually this typing thing ends up being long emails to random people or just something that will get stored in my google docs and then I will read it later on and be like...what in the heck is wrong with her?

So...now why am I putting this nonsense for the whole internet to see? Meh why not.

I have so many things I want to do and I get myself overwhelmed and then don't even want to change out of my pajamas.

Of course being pregnant and not having any clothes that fit right doesn't help that particular task much.

When I am home alone I end up thinking WAY to much and getting myself all worked up over literally nothing.

Which is what I am starting to do this morning. The good news is I am starting to see the signs and realizing that whatever it is it will get done. One way or the other it will get done.

But sometimes like this morning its hard to see that when the kitchen is a mess and my house smells weird and I cant seem to get motivated to do anything. The animals are being animals which apparently I find annoying and then to top it all off the stupid dealership I live next to stupid loud speaker thing keeps going off! (Its the most annoying "alarm" system I have ever heard. It goes off during closed hours when ever something sets off the motion sensor. ANYTHING. And someone is over there working so it...keeps..going..off)

So here we are. locked in my room in a comfortable (ish) position typing my worries away. I shouldn't be so cranky. A lot of good things have happened in the last few days.

I got good news on my lab results that I was stressing about.
My dad did a long overdue surgery and all went well.
I had an awesome baby shower!
Valentines day was great (but thats because I have the best husband in the world)

Things are actually pretty good.
The baby is kicking away which is good... unless its on my bladder but even then I am still happy to feel her moving around.

The office is no longer an office but a baby storage area (I cant call it a nursery yet because it doesnt look like a nursery yet lol)

Chris put together some of the baby stuff we got which was exciting to see it out of the box.

OH I got my car detailed for the first time ever. That was cool...yeah its the little things that amuse me.
Of course now my car smells funny so that is a little disappointing but ITS SO CLEAN!

See I have lots of things to be happy about. I just worry...A LOT. but apparently according to my husband and awesome sister in law this will make me a good mom... I am going to go with it. HAHA.

I need to prioritize my things. Little at a time things are getting done and thats perfectly ok. But I also think I need to get out of this house for a little bit... or put on some loud music because every little sound that I dont make is driving me insane. Like right now... Gracie is rubbing up against a laundry basket and pushing it around my bed room floor... You would think that she just said the worst thing to me and now I am a ball of rage.

Since I started writing this ramble... the loud speaker has gone off five times. And it has gone off at least five times before I started typing.
Six.
Oh. My. Geebs. I am going to hope the fence and destroy this loud speaker!

I can see it in the news now.. "Pregnant woman arrested for killing Toyota loud speaker, drugs were not involved"

Funny story about this loud speaker. When I first moved here I had no idea this would be a problem. Usually I will hear it occasionally but it doesnt bother me. But it was going off at like 1am... 3 am... 5 am... I was going crazy and of course because of the distance I cant really understand what the stupid thing is saying. It just sounds like Charlie Brown's teacher. Unless an actual person talks on the thing, which sometimes they let other employees know they have a call or when their lunch is here. Well I guess at one point the guys were doing something overnight because they got food sent to them and the dude on the loud speaker was like "Tony your sub is here!" it was probably close to midnight and that was when I had enough of this loud speaker nonsense. So I worked up my courage and called Toyota. I explained to them what was happening and they informed me that it was *Impossible* that I was hearing the loud speaker at those times because no one was there. So i told them well then you have ghosts and they order subs. So you might want to get that checked out. I was so mad! I couldn't believe she told me it was impossible that I was hearing it... I know I am crazy but I am not that crazy.
Well a couple days go by and I got a call from Toyota it was the lady apologizing that she said it was impossible because obviously it wasn't... she then explained to me what I was hearing was actually the alarm system that is on a motion sensor. Basically informing the intruder that the dealership is closed and to please return during regular hours, and something about calling law enforcement if they do not get off the property.

I just wish that when someone...like today is working there on a Sunday they SHUT IT OFFFFFFFFFFF

Its real fun when they get deliveries... at 4am it sounds like Jurassic park in my back yard.

Cool...

So anyways that is my rambles on the dealership.

I think I am going to try to make some tea and calm down and hopefully get something done so I feel somewhat productive today.

Wish me luck and thanks for reading...
Unless you didn't read this....
in that case...WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!

Pregnant woman rant

Good morning all.

I got up this morning and told myself my list of things to do today.

But I have to keep taking breaks or I will "over do it" as I am told. So I decided to distract myself with typing up this blog post.

Since I never really thought that I would be pregnant, since it wasn't until I met Chris that I decided I wanted kids.... I never really thought about the things pregnant people have to go through.

I gained weight before I got pregnant which annoyed the living day lights out of me. And I was told "what will you do if you get pregnant, you know you get bigger right?"
Yes but its different. At least so I thought. I never dreamed that people would body shame someone who is pregnant.

Whenever I would see a pregnant person I never had this urge to go up to them and tell them how big they are or ask them if they were having twins.

Even if I was the type of person to go up to someone randomly and just start talking to them.

Chris and I make jokes sometimes to each other about seeing another pregnant woman, he will say something like "look she is smuggling a watermelon too."
Maybe thats wrong too but he says it more to make me feel better about being "huge"

By the way before I continue on with this rant let me just say that my doctor says that my size is the right size for my current term.

So suck it!

any ways...

The other thing that annoys me is when people say "oh its because you are pregnant"

Yes my body has changed and my emotions are all over the place.

But guess what, news flash... I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN AN EMOTIONAL BASKET CASE!

But it's nice to have something else to blame lol.

I have always been hard on myself when it comes to what I think about myself.
I am trying to work on that, but it is difficult...and it doesn't help when you have people saying hurtful things, even if they don't mean to.

You know what though, not everyone is like that. Some people are actually pretty cool and I am trying to focus on them.... I know it doesn't seem that way since I am ranting about the bad.

Like yesterday, my mom and I went out for lunch. We had to wait for a table. There was no where to sit and wait but I didn't mind standing for a few minutes anyways. But as soon as this gentleman saw that I was pregnant he jumped up and offered me his spot on the bench. I declined because I am not that person, he was there first he gets the spot. But it was nice of him to offer it.

He didn't say anything about me being huge or say I needed to rest because I am pregnant... it was just a nice gesture. That's all it takes. One nice gesture to make things better.

My advice.... you know since everyone wants to give me advice now... the tables have turned I AM GIVING THE ADVICE NOW...

My advice, if you see a pregnant woman and even if you have this urge to go up to them, touch their belly because it is so cool that they have life growing inside of them...Dont.
Even if you have this urge to go up and tell them how big they are and how big and "healthy" the baby is going to be....Dont.
Even she is crying her eyes out and eating chocolate, and you want to tell her that is not healthy for the baby...Dont...Chances are that is why she is crying but the baby doesnt like fruit and veggies and makes mommy's tummy hurt something awful when she tries to eat healthy....or she just was called huge and now she wants to eat her emotions....just...DONT

If you feel you have to say something at all just because that is the type of person you are, stick with you look lovely or congrats on the baby. (be 100% sure she is pregnant before you say this) Or...Just offer your spot so she can sit down. Just...basically pretend you are human being for one moment of your life.


Even though dealing with all these new emotions and body changes it is still so cool to feel her kick me.
I can be totally drained and crying because I feel like I am failing at everything because I was too tired to do the dishes....as soon as she moves or just kicks a little I am reminded...oh yeah....I am growing a human. She is going to be awesome and I can't wait to meet her... and give her the list of names of people who upset me so she can avenge my honor. :)

Thank you for reading and now I am off to finish my never ending to do list. :)