Random Story #3

 Once Upon a Time

I wanted to be a country music singer. 

I swore I was going to be the next Leanne Rimes. 

You will be shocked to know that this didnt happen. But I am ok with it. 

I wanted so badly to learn how to play the guitar because what kind of country music singer would I be if I didnt play guitar? 

My mom bought me my first guitar. It was blue and I was so excited about it. She even signed me up for lessons. Score! I was on my way to becoming famous. 

Oh I also wrote songs. Some of them...most of them were terrible. But I did it a lot. Any time something would inspire me I wrote a song. Most of them didnt' make sense. I think if I remember correctly I had one called Boomerang love. I don't know... I was like ten. ANYWAYS. 

But before I could write my own music to go with my songs, I had to learn to play other songs first. Thats when the lessons came into play. Friends of my parents had a side business where they did all sorts of music lessons. It worked out. 

However... not only did I not put in the time I also had no musical abilities to begin with. I still cant carry a tune in a bucket. 

OF course no one would tell me this they all encouraged me and told me I'd be the next Dolly Parton. I wish I came to the realization that i couldn't sing before I embarrassed myself. 

The music teacher would hold a concert type thing at the end of the year to show the parents everyone's progress. 

People with ACTUAL talent and who actually put in the work....and me. 

I had to perform two songs. I was supposed to sing these songs. I sang part of the first one before I lost what little nerve I had. 

Would you believe that I was once a person who had confidence? 

The song I sang part of...was Jingle Bells. 

Easy song. Should have been no problem. I remember hearing my voice like it was the first time and hearing my terrible guitar playing. I am not even exaggerating. I saw a video of it later and started crying again. (I was in my 20's when I saw the video) 

I dont even think I finished the second song. I think I just stopped playing and walked off stage. I wanted to run away. 

No one was mean to me about. Everyone again told me I did great. 

Liars. 

One of the girls who performed ended up being a camp counselor that summer. I remembered her immediately and told her that I thought she did a great job on piano. She remembered me to... I told her I did an awful job and didnt' put in the work. She smiled and said but you still tried. It still took a lot of courage to stand up there and try. 

Which she was right. It did. I still never got my confidence back... Not sure if I ever will. But I did play a guitar and sing in front of a bunch of people when i was 12 years old. Maybe not a famous country singer...but I did try HA.