What does Christmas Mean to you?

 Good morning Blog world. 

I keep trying to type up a new blog to post but it either doesn't flow right or I get distracted. So lets see if this one will make it to the publish button. 

I guess you can say I have a bit of writers block. It happens sometimes. And its not because I don't have Ideas or I am not inspired to write. 

I am just sad I guess and I hate when the sadness comes out in my writing. 

It is Christmas time and I am doing my hardest not to be a ba-hum-bug like normal but this year is weird to say the least. 

This is my first Christmas with my baby girl and Covid is kind of putting a damper on it. LET ME BE CLEAR... I am grateful that my family is healthy and I would like to keep it that way. And I know some families have it worse than I do but I am also aloud to be a little selfish and say this year has sucked. 

I was terrified of becoming a parent because I was afraid I wouldnt be able to do anything fun. So I had all these plans of adventures we were going to do...especially around Christmas time but we cant...Well we could but we dont want to be irresponsible and be part of the problem. 

However, during this time of being a homebody (more than usual) I have had a lot of time to really think about things and how I want my family to celebrate Christmas. 

By the way I want those who know me to count how many times I use the word Christmas with out cringing...ha!

The past few years it seems like Christmas has spiraled into "Things we have to do." And I hate that. With family feuds and crazy schedules, Christmas was miserable last year. I was pregnant, cranky and just over it all. The family was fighting over dumb stuff that still hasn't been resolved but we all forced...well most of us forced ourselves around the dinner table at my parents un- air conditioned house (I live in Florida by the way and most Christmas days are in the 80s...) eating lasagna because thats what we have always had on Christmas....in complete and utter silence. And my dad...I love him dearly but he doesnt get social ques at all... my dad sitting at the head of the table as most men do and he looks around at everyone who isnt making eye contact with each other...and he says... "This is what its all about" Smiling proudly at his family. 

I almost choked on my food. 

I have seen enough Hallmark movies to know that isnt what Christmas is about. 

This year is going to be different. I decided after last year of spending the day going to three houses to make sure everyone is happy wasting a day off with my husband doing things I really didn't want to do...I decided it is going to be different this year. 

I am not sure how its all going to work out just yet but I want to start making Christmas memories that make me smile. 

Like how every year my mom would play the same five Christmas Cd's as loud as she could handle it. 

by the way in case you want to know what Christmas sounded like in my house it was, A very Dolly Christmas, Elvis Christmas Classics, Joe Diffy Christmas, a Bubba Claus Christmas (Yeah don't ask ) And my all time favorite Dr. Elmo's Twisted Christmas (The dude who sings Grandma got run over by a reindeer)

Christmas was opening up my stocking presents with my grandma watching while we waited for my mom to wake up. 

Christmas was watching my oldest sister take 20 minutes to open a present because she kept talking during it and because she had to talk with her hands she stopped unwrapping. 

Christmas was never ending scratch offs just because that's all my dad really likes. 

Those are just some of the memories I have that I can say are good memories of Christmas. But most of them I have are just kind of boring and make me sad. 

This year... will be different. This year I have Alice to spoil. And even though she wont remember any of it. I will remember it all. I will remember that no we didn't have a big traditional tree because I don't have the room in this small house. But I did make sure to have a Tree that she can honestly say no one else had. I took my Halloween tree and Christmas-ified it.  

She is going to know that Christmas is about love and togetherness...but not just having to be together for the sake of family but wanting to be together because you enjoy each others company. 

To me, that is what Christmas used to be and will be again someday. The wanting to wake up early on Christmas morning, the excitement to see family members you haven't seen all year, The good food that someone cooked because they wanted to not because they had to, the music that is played because its fun and makes you smile. The ornaments that are hung on the tree not just because they are pretty but because they mean something to someone.  

I love the idea of having Christmas Traditions but not for the sake of having them. Because they will be fun. I remember hearing someone tell me about their traditions how they do the same exact thing every year. I was able to witness this one year and I asked... do you enjoy this? 

The response was not really but that's just how we have always done it. 

To me that is crazy. 

As Alice grows I'd like to think we will do things each year because they are fun. I dont think I would want to force her to go get a tree to decorate it if thats not what she finds fun. Maybe one year we will just leave our Halloween decorations up and we will have presents under the great pumpkin. 

Whatever we do. I want her to be excited for Christmas even when she is in her 30's. I dont want her to lose the magic of Christmas just because she grew up. 

P.s I Don't think I will ever do Elf on the shelf and for those of you that did... I am sorry and good luck. LOL

I am curious to know what tradition or activity you will be doing this year that is different than normal Christmas (Or whatever Holiday you celebrate) traditions. 

Not too many people really interact with the blogs but I would love to hear some feedback. 

I also want to wish you a Merry Happy Whatever you celebrate. 

Thanks for reading from the Rambling Random Reed. :)