Random Story #3

 Once Upon a Time

I wanted to be a country music singer. 

I swore I was going to be the next Leanne Rimes. 

You will be shocked to know that this didnt happen. But I am ok with it. 

I wanted so badly to learn how to play the guitar because what kind of country music singer would I be if I didnt play guitar? 

My mom bought me my first guitar. It was blue and I was so excited about it. She even signed me up for lessons. Score! I was on my way to becoming famous. 

Oh I also wrote songs. Some of them...most of them were terrible. But I did it a lot. Any time something would inspire me I wrote a song. Most of them didnt' make sense. I think if I remember correctly I had one called Boomerang love. I don't know... I was like ten. ANYWAYS. 

But before I could write my own music to go with my songs, I had to learn to play other songs first. Thats when the lessons came into play. Friends of my parents had a side business where they did all sorts of music lessons. It worked out. 

However... not only did I not put in the time I also had no musical abilities to begin with. I still cant carry a tune in a bucket. 

OF course no one would tell me this they all encouraged me and told me I'd be the next Dolly Parton. I wish I came to the realization that i couldn't sing before I embarrassed myself. 

The music teacher would hold a concert type thing at the end of the year to show the parents everyone's progress. 

People with ACTUAL talent and who actually put in the work....and me. 

I had to perform two songs. I was supposed to sing these songs. I sang part of the first one before I lost what little nerve I had. 

Would you believe that I was once a person who had confidence? 

The song I sang part of...was Jingle Bells. 

Easy song. Should have been no problem. I remember hearing my voice like it was the first time and hearing my terrible guitar playing. I am not even exaggerating. I saw a video of it later and started crying again. (I was in my 20's when I saw the video) 

I dont even think I finished the second song. I think I just stopped playing and walked off stage. I wanted to run away. 

No one was mean to me about. Everyone again told me I did great. 

Liars. 

One of the girls who performed ended up being a camp counselor that summer. I remembered her immediately and told her that I thought she did a great job on piano. She remembered me to... I told her I did an awful job and didnt' put in the work. She smiled and said but you still tried. It still took a lot of courage to stand up there and try. 

Which she was right. It did. I still never got my confidence back... Not sure if I ever will. But I did play a guitar and sing in front of a bunch of people when i was 12 years old. Maybe not a famous country singer...but I did try HA. 

 

Random Story 2

 So this story is kind of relevant to what is going on in the world. 

Masks.

I know... I know... Apparently its a touchy subject. So much hate over a piece of cloth. BUT ANY WHO

I have an irrational fear of mask...not the cloth kind specifically. Just mostly Halloween masks. 

Weird since I LOVE Halloween. 

This fear started after I watched "The Man in the Iron Mask" 

Older movie. I dont remember much of the movie other than its a story of twin brothers who were born of royalty and apparently they weren't supposed to have twins so they hid one of the brothers away and the one that was allowed to be prince was kind of a jerk so he locked his brother away and made him wear an iron mask for his whole life. And it was a scary looking mask and the process of putting it on him was... well.. I still have nightmares. 

But I remember watching this movie at around 13 and I am such a wimp anyways that it stuck with me. I remember exactly why I watched this movie. 

My dog was having puppies and I couldn't go in my room until she was done. So I stayed up watching movies and apparently that one was on and it seemed like a good idea at the time. 

I watched scooby doo after it because I was so scared. 

But ever since then the thought of putting a mask over my face has freaked me out. Even stupid cleansing masks. 

HOWEVER because I am a kind and considerate person who wants this Covid crap to go away I wear a mask when I go out in public. Which thankfully isnt very often because well I panic when I put the mask on. It has helped me get over my fear a little bit because I was able to use one of those face cleansing masks and it didnt completely freak me out. 

So I am going to call that a win. 

Hope you enjoyed this random story!

Random Story

I made a promise to myself I would blog more this year.

SO... I guess I am going to do some random blogs like I used to back in the day. 

Doesn't matter no one reads them anyways. 

So today I thought I would share some random story with you that you might not know. 

One of my favorite Pokemon is Squirtle. Pokemon was pretty popular when I was a kid. My nieces and nephews (who are around the same age as me) All collected the cards. 

I wish I still had those cards but there is one card I wish I kept just because of the story. 

You see when I was a kid I wasnt allowed to listen to the popular music that everyone else my age was listening to. I had to listen to what my parents listened to. Which wasnt a bad thing I didnt mind back then. 

There was one tape my parents used to play a lot. It was a Hank WIlliams Jr Tape that I had every single song memorized. 

The point of telling you about the tape was for this part of the story...

My nephew won a Squirtle card in a crane game. A game I kept trying to play and win this specific card but I didn't. He did... And he only kept it because he knew I wanted it....Isn't family great? Anyways. So I kept asking him for this card over and over and he said look I will make a bet with you. If you win you can have the card. 

I dont remember who's idea it was for the bet to be for me to sing every song on the tape but that was the bet and i CRUSHED IT. We didnt even get to side two before he just handed me the card and said "Here just stop singing" 

But did i stop? OF COURSE NOT! I was so happy to have my squirtle card I had to sing more!

I didn't keep that card unfortunately. It was probably with all my other cards I sold. 

But fast forward to my life as an "Adult" where I told my husband this story and he set out to find me that card. It was really nothing special...but do you think he could find a squirtle card in his travels? Nope... So instead he got me a Squirtle Stuffed animal. 

I forgot I told him that story and when he surprised me with the stuffed animal I was all teary eyed and surprised that I called it a squishy. Now... we call Pokemon squishys 

And now I have shared this random story I have to do some more boring adult things. 

I swear buying a house has to be one of the most stressful things I have dealt with...

Hope everyone is having a great day. I will see you tomorrow with another random story 

What does Christmas Mean to you?

 Good morning Blog world. 

I keep trying to type up a new blog to post but it either doesn't flow right or I get distracted. So lets see if this one will make it to the publish button. 

I guess you can say I have a bit of writers block. It happens sometimes. And its not because I don't have Ideas or I am not inspired to write. 

I am just sad I guess and I hate when the sadness comes out in my writing. 

It is Christmas time and I am doing my hardest not to be a ba-hum-bug like normal but this year is weird to say the least. 

This is my first Christmas with my baby girl and Covid is kind of putting a damper on it. LET ME BE CLEAR... I am grateful that my family is healthy and I would like to keep it that way. And I know some families have it worse than I do but I am also aloud to be a little selfish and say this year has sucked. 

I was terrified of becoming a parent because I was afraid I wouldnt be able to do anything fun. So I had all these plans of adventures we were going to do...especially around Christmas time but we cant...Well we could but we dont want to be irresponsible and be part of the problem. 

However, during this time of being a homebody (more than usual) I have had a lot of time to really think about things and how I want my family to celebrate Christmas. 

By the way I want those who know me to count how many times I use the word Christmas with out cringing...ha!

The past few years it seems like Christmas has spiraled into "Things we have to do." And I hate that. With family feuds and crazy schedules, Christmas was miserable last year. I was pregnant, cranky and just over it all. The family was fighting over dumb stuff that still hasn't been resolved but we all forced...well most of us forced ourselves around the dinner table at my parents un- air conditioned house (I live in Florida by the way and most Christmas days are in the 80s...) eating lasagna because thats what we have always had on Christmas....in complete and utter silence. And my dad...I love him dearly but he doesnt get social ques at all... my dad sitting at the head of the table as most men do and he looks around at everyone who isnt making eye contact with each other...and he says... "This is what its all about" Smiling proudly at his family. 

I almost choked on my food. 

I have seen enough Hallmark movies to know that isnt what Christmas is about. 

This year is going to be different. I decided after last year of spending the day going to three houses to make sure everyone is happy wasting a day off with my husband doing things I really didn't want to do...I decided it is going to be different this year. 

I am not sure how its all going to work out just yet but I want to start making Christmas memories that make me smile. 

Like how every year my mom would play the same five Christmas Cd's as loud as she could handle it. 

by the way in case you want to know what Christmas sounded like in my house it was, A very Dolly Christmas, Elvis Christmas Classics, Joe Diffy Christmas, a Bubba Claus Christmas (Yeah don't ask ) And my all time favorite Dr. Elmo's Twisted Christmas (The dude who sings Grandma got run over by a reindeer)

Christmas was opening up my stocking presents with my grandma watching while we waited for my mom to wake up. 

Christmas was watching my oldest sister take 20 minutes to open a present because she kept talking during it and because she had to talk with her hands she stopped unwrapping. 

Christmas was never ending scratch offs just because that's all my dad really likes. 

Those are just some of the memories I have that I can say are good memories of Christmas. But most of them I have are just kind of boring and make me sad. 

This year... will be different. This year I have Alice to spoil. And even though she wont remember any of it. I will remember it all. I will remember that no we didn't have a big traditional tree because I don't have the room in this small house. But I did make sure to have a Tree that she can honestly say no one else had. I took my Halloween tree and Christmas-ified it.  

She is going to know that Christmas is about love and togetherness...but not just having to be together for the sake of family but wanting to be together because you enjoy each others company. 

To me, that is what Christmas used to be and will be again someday. The wanting to wake up early on Christmas morning, the excitement to see family members you haven't seen all year, The good food that someone cooked because they wanted to not because they had to, the music that is played because its fun and makes you smile. The ornaments that are hung on the tree not just because they are pretty but because they mean something to someone.  

I love the idea of having Christmas Traditions but not for the sake of having them. Because they will be fun. I remember hearing someone tell me about their traditions how they do the same exact thing every year. I was able to witness this one year and I asked... do you enjoy this? 

The response was not really but that's just how we have always done it. 

To me that is crazy. 

As Alice grows I'd like to think we will do things each year because they are fun. I dont think I would want to force her to go get a tree to decorate it if thats not what she finds fun. Maybe one year we will just leave our Halloween decorations up and we will have presents under the great pumpkin. 

Whatever we do. I want her to be excited for Christmas even when she is in her 30's. I dont want her to lose the magic of Christmas just because she grew up. 

P.s I Don't think I will ever do Elf on the shelf and for those of you that did... I am sorry and good luck. LOL

I am curious to know what tradition or activity you will be doing this year that is different than normal Christmas (Or whatever Holiday you celebrate) traditions. 

Not too many people really interact with the blogs but I would love to hear some feedback. 

I also want to wish you a Merry Happy Whatever you celebrate. 

Thanks for reading from the Rambling Random Reed. :) 

Mom status

Hello world.
This is a hard post to do, I am going to be honest and put my feelings out for everyone to read. Why? Because maybe someday somewhere someone will need to hear this and maybe they will stumble on my blog and find the words they need to see.

As most of you know, or maybe you dont... I had my first baby in March. Having a child during this pandemic we are going through is stress I dont really think anyone needs. But we are handling it.

So with a mixture of new baby, crazy hormones and being on lock down I have been stuck with my thoughts for way longer than I should.

I over think anyways so now that I have all this time... its been pretty bad.

I have been struggling. I didn't feel like a Mom. Even through my pregnancy I just didnt feel any different...just fatter.

I thought, after the first sonogram I will feel more like a mom.

Nope.

Maybe the first heart beat.
Nope, not really. It felt a little more real for sure. But I still didnt feel like a mom.

After the gender reveal party?
Nope.

After the baby shower...
Nope.

After the nursery was done.
Nope.

For sure when I went to the hospital right?
Nope.

Maybe when I give birth to her?
A little bit.
But I still felt the same old me, just with a new story to tell.

Weeks turned into months and I still felt the same.

Dont get me wrong, I love this girl with all my heart and I am so happy to have her here. I just didn't feel like a mom if that makes sense. It felt more like someone gave me this wonderful gift but didn't give me a instruction book.

How was I supposed to feel? How does someone feel like a mom.

I can also tell you its not having random people call you "Mom" a new annoyance I have discovered.

I felt it yesterday. Finally.

We took our baby girl to her two month appointment and she had to get her two month shot.
People had told me all along it was terrible to see your baby get a shot. I had convinced myself I was tough that I could handle it.
And I did. I was fine. No I didnt enjoy seeing my daughter get poked with a needle multiple times but I was ok...or at least I thought I was. It wasn't until she was bleeding a little on her leg and the bandaid wasnt sticking was when I turned into a crazy mom. My brain was going so fast. It was just a few drops of blood. I had seen her get pricked before and she was on all sorts of monitors and such when she was born but something about the blood coming out of her bugs bunny band aid just didnt set well with me. I started pacing trying to fix the problem. To find a new band aid or something since the nurse left us. But had no luck. And I wanted to leave that room and find that nurse and smash her head in for hurting my baby.

It took Chris saying to me "Why are you freaking out now?" To make me realize I was being slightly crazy. But he didn't know what my thought process was. He just thought I was annoyed that we had to wait for two hours for this shot to happen. But in reality I just hated seeing my daughter hurting.
It got worse when we got home and her leg must have been hurting her because every time she would move it she would cry.
Of course we were given no words of wisdom on how to deal with this if it were to happen so I felt that anger before.

I picked up my phone three times to call that stupid doctors office and give them a piece of my mind. But I didn't.

I just focused on Alice. Tried to make her comfortable.

Today as I contemplated this whole thought of "feeling like a mom" thing I came to some interesting conclusions.

People see things differently. So where my perfect imagine of a mother was everything I am not, it doesnt mean that I am not a mom...obviously I am a mom I have the kid to prove it.

I am still trying to make my thoughts clear....

So, in school people had an image of themselves doing something after school. Whether it was going to college to become a teacher or just working for the family business, every one had their own vision.
Now I didnt share those same images, I didnt go to college or have a family business to work for. I had different plans...but that didn't make me any less of a graduate than them. I still got my diploma and had the graduation party and everything.

Its the same thing for being a mom.

Some moms might do things differently than I do, or feel differently about things and thats ok. Thats what makes us different.

Even thought it took me two months to get to this moment of feeling like a mom but I am here and it feels great.

If any new moms feel this way and wonder when they are going to feel like a mom, trust me it will happen when you least expect it.

It might be when your baby smiles at you
or in my case when you get this sudden urge to protect them from the mean nurse.

Just dont let the bad thoughts consume you. Day by day I am feeling better and getting into my own rhythm.

Have a support group. I have reached out to so many moms of different personalities and I have to say its the best thing to have mom friends.

and they all told me the same thing, this is normal. This will pass.

I dont think I am out of the woods yet with my thoughts but its nice to get through the darkness.

I hope this helps someone, somewhere, someday.

Moms have to stick together. :)

Nursery

Good morning

Today would have been my due date.

However miss Alice decided she wanted to be a March baby instead of an April baby.

Hey ya gotta love a kid that knows what she wants even before she is born.

The day before I went into labor I worked on the nursery. Some might argue this is what caused me to go into early labor but I really didn't do anything to crazy..

It still wasnt done...still isnt 100% done but its about 98% done so I figured I would share.

Before I start showing you pictures of my hard work let me first start by explaining... yes I went on pinterest and looked for lots of ideas of the perfect Nursery.

You wont find my nursery in a pinterest post. It took me a while to realize that sometimes the world isnt Pinterest perfect. I really liked the ones I was seeing but with out dropping a bunch of money I didn't really have I wasnt going to achieve one of those rooms.

But that is ok. Because Alice isn't Pinterest perfect..She is Reed perfect.

I hated when people asked me what the theme of the room was. There is really no theme. I tried doing the Alice in Wonderland but i wanted it to be subtle.

I also am not a huge fan of the color pink

SO the colors I picked were teal and gray. Because why not lol.

As I finished hanging up some things last night I stood back and admired my work.

Is it how I pictured it in my head? No. not really. Is it usable. Yeah. Chris and I have a pretty good system so far. If it doesnt work... we fix it. And I dont have to worry about the expensive dohicky getting ruined by explosive poop.

so here is Alice's first room.

The rocking chair is something really special to me, its not the most comfortable but it was my Aunt's and this way I can have a part of her while on this new journey of mine.  My dad recovered it for me so now it matches my room.

My friend made that sign for the baby shower, and for the nursery. :)

This is a sign I made for her, I saw this quote on a picture at Hobby Lobby but it had some weird horn thing on it and it wouldn't look right in my room. So what does Casey do? She goes on Amazon and finds the stencil with the same quote. BOOM! 

I kept seeing on pinterest "in this house" and a bunch of nerd statements... I decided to make my own. Taking the things that we like and making it. Is it perfect? Nope. But it works. Just another reminder for Alice that her parents are complete nerds. 

The crib was my nieces and my brother came over and helped me put it together... by help I mean he did all the work and I supervised HAHA.

My Niece made this for Alice. She did such an awesome job on it. Unfortunately because of social distancing and what not I dont have it yet. But this is something I plan on keeping forever anyways so no worries on when I am getting it.  

The sparkle thing is kind of an inside joke, Chris says he likes buying me things that make me sparkle.
Most of the time its food HAHA. 

This corner has some other special items.
Top shelf a Peter Pan book, but this book is not something you can just go buy... well i mean you can but inside my best friend wrote little notes to Alice and gave us some translations on some of the words haha.
Second shelf is a stuffed bunny. I had one just like that when I was a little girl, in fact I still have it...
but its not in the best shape and might give you nightmares if i showed it to you. I bought this one years ago. Honestly to fix my old bunny... I never thought I would accidentally save it for my daughter someday.
Next to the bunny is a jar of hearts... not real hearts we keep those in the kitchen. These are the hearts from my baby shower. Everyone held one and made a wish for me and Alice.
On the last shelf is Alice's first toy from her grandma, a winnie the pooh toy. And the R2D2 of course is from her Daddy. Because... well we have to turn her to the nerd side as soon as possible. Chris and I wont know what to do with ourselves if we have a daughter who likes sports or something (Totally kidding we will let her do sports if that is what she wants... we just wont know what to do with that hahah)

Will it win any better home and garden awards? Probably not. Is it a great space for Alice to experience. Yes. It has the perfect combination of pretty and nerdy because that is how we roll in the Reed home.


Hope everyone is having a great day and enjoyed my post :)

The princess is about to wake up so I have to tend to her needs.

Labor during COVID-19...

Hello blog world

I'm currently sitting in the hospital next to my baby (actually when I post this I'll be home but right now…)

This corona virus is nuts. 

I thought maybe you would like to know how this has affected my delivery. 

My journey started Friday night march 27th.

When I thought my bladder was just completely bonkers. 

Saturday morning came along and I decided I needed to go to the hospital just to make sure I was ok.

I get to the hospital and it looked like the scene from ET.

People were set up by the doors to check people in

Shout out to all the staff dealing with these new changes.

They are doing a good job in trying to keep things structured..   I don't like most of their rules… but I understand. 

So once I got inside I think I went through the normal routine. 

.guess what my bladder wasn't bonkers my water broke… 11 days early.

I'm not going to get into all the details of my labor and what not here. 

I will say that it was a long few days.

So the rules that bug me but I do understand…

Limited visitors… basically most hospitals are only allowing one person, obviously it was my husband. 

He was allowed to leave and enter the hospital but each time he entered he was screened. 

Now the part that doesn't make sense to me but again… it's not the nurses or doctors fault. But unfortunately because my water broke so early and for so long before delivery we both had to be on antibiotics. 

So my new baby had to be in NICU. We could visit when we wanted…. Just not together. So we had to swap.

I really want some one to explain to me how this makes sense.

It really frustrated me that this was the case and no one really could explain to me why this made sense

It was difficult not to take my frustrations out on the nurses but again… I Know it's not their fault. 

The other thing that bothered me was the fact that it didn't seem to matter how much of the random staff was allowed in…

Including the Chaplin… 

Not bashing any religious beliefs or anything but to me that didn't seem like an essential person that had to be in the room with me and my daughter. 

Hopefully we will be home soon in our own safe bubble. 

 So over this place… as nice as they have been I'd like to get my own routine started in the comfort of my home.

Plus I feel like my baby girl is going to get a fear of masks…. 

I have a hard time dealing with the nurses with things on their faces… imagine how scary that might be for a baby! 

Be safe everyone.